Once I recovered from the gut-wrenching, free-falling emotions of having given birth to a baby with Down syndrome, I began to bask in the rosy glow of my ignorance around Down syndrome.
"Well at least she will ALWAYS adore me.
"She will be my biggest fan & LOVE spending time with MAMA"
"She will hang on every word I say AND
I will be able to tell her anything and she will believe me!"
"If I treat her normal, she may 'turn' normal".
"Although I will need to teach her everything,
she will be an easy child and will love to learn from me"
And on it went. Now these things were easy to believe for the first 18 odd months, as Miss Chloe was an ideal baby. She slept 8 hours every night in hospital, when she would awaken in the day, she would politely lie there, waiting patiently for me to feed & change her...BLISS......
She knew exactly what she was doing. Over time, the above disillusion became rather entrenched with me and I was lolled into a very false sense of security!!!
Mind you, her not being attached to anything,
(no teddy for Chloe, no thumb, no dummy, no blankie, nothing) from birth should have been a warning marker for me...but my rosy glasses were fogged over...
Imagine my shock when she found her feet AND a very bad attitude to go with them!!! Overnight my perfect angel turned into mini-me with an extra chromosome.
Examples of early arguments:
ME: "Oh look, Chloe - there's a train"
Miss Chloe: "No bus"
Me: "No darling that is a train"
Miss Chloe: "BUS!"
Back & forth till I got grumpy & said: "OK, it a bloody bus!!!"
I have never, ever been able to get her to say 'Mummy". I would say things like:
"Love u Mummy" to her, to which she would respond: "Love u MUM".
Shannon my other daughter, used to adore me and love being in my company.
We would go crazy on the dance floor together. Chloe, on the other hand - exact opposite!
I go on the dance floor & she will do 1 of 2 things.
1) If the dance floors is really big, with lots of people, she will go to the other side of it and dance with strangers.
2) If it a small dance floor, she will go & sit down.
I was shattered, but it doesn't matter how much I beg, she won't budge!
I took her to the MBS (Mind Body Spirit festival) once in Melbourne.
Chloe hates wandering around the isles, so I took a picnic for her & set her up at a small, round table in the cafe area. I would come back & check on her every few isles.
I ran into a dear friend in an isle, who asked about Chloe, so we wandered back, so my friend could say hello. As she turned the final corner, she heard a strangers voice say
"Is that your mum?" Miss Chloe turned & looked & just said "No, that's just Jane, Oh that's Mum behind her"
This is the scene that met me:
Approx 10-12 people crowded around this tiny table for 2. All in various stages of fits of laughter or leaning forward to hear more, and what exactly was Miss Chloe saying to enthrall these people....
WELL SHE WAS REGALING
THEM WITH STORIES
ABOUT HOW HER MUM
My friend suggested putting her on the stage, seeing as so many people make money out of airing their issues around their parents.
MY SHATTERED DELUSIONS..
Lucky I have enough self-esteem to not need her constant approval!
Just this morning she came out with:
MISS CHLOE : "Bye - Love you.."
With a heart full of joy I responded with:
ME : "Love you back!!"
I then got the reply
MISS CHLOE: "NOT YOU...THE DOG!!!"
ME: "Still love you Chloe"!!!!
Response from my beloved one:
MISS CHLOE: "Yeah Whatever"
and out the door she went...
AHHHH MY SHATTERED DELUSIONS......